No explanation needed, it’s all in the title. Okay I’ll explain a little bit. Halloween rules. It the time of year when girls are not only allowed, but encouraged to dress like huge sluts. It’s the time of year when you can get away with dressing like a complete fuckass, and no one will question you. You could even cosplay as an anime character, and no one would mind (but they might still think you’re gay, at least the majority of people will.) Overall, funny costumes give you a much better chance with ladies. Does this come from experience? Nope, I pulled this stat out of my ass.
Anyway, here are several costumes that are great for Halloween, and I’ll tell you why. Oh, umm, while you read this awesome post, make sure you play the following song over and over, just because it’s an awesome song:
The Rapeman
Here’s a costume that not only looks really cool, but also garantees the wearer automatic pussy. I mean, you’re the Rapeman, even if the girl doesn’t give consent, it’s okay, because you’re just getting into character. Personally, I wish this was my costume this year, so that I could go around telling people that I was going to rape them (in a comical way so that they know I’m joking and I won’t get arrested, which would probably happen (again) anyway (why do I always get arrested (once) when I dress up in costumes? Likewise, who the fuck would arrest Santa Clause??? Ass-holes.
Loincloth
I have used this picture before. It’s true. In fact, I found this picture on google, and then realized that it was a screen shot that I made. Isn’t that awesome. Likewise, i found this picture on google, and also realized that it was mine:
So what can I say about loincloths that I haven’t already said? Well, they’re fucking awesome. They cover your loins, and they are so easy to set up put on/wear/take off (ohhhh yeaaaaaaaaa). For more on the awesomeness of loincloths, and good anime, please direct yourself to this post, and take my advice. WATCH THE SHOW!
Are you still playing The Hustle? You better be. If it ran out, put it back to the beginning. Okay, let’s continue on.
A Flamingo
What is this bird doing here? How is that a costume? If you are asking these questions, don’t, because flamingos are a great way to pick up chicks– I mean shrimps. I love shrimp, Flamingos eat shrimp, therefore, I am being a flamingo this Halloween. That’s right, a flamingo…………what have I gotten myself into…..I’m going out with a loincloth one day and as a flamingo the next….I really love creating awkwardness (I actually do love doing that). I can’t wait. Last year I was The Joker, and although my costume and makeup was flawless (people were actually SCARED of me!), this year, I am going to be a Flamingo. No, they aren’t gay, they’re actually the smartest and fastest of the bird species, and they also like anime. That’s it for the Flamingo.
Naked Island Boy
There is only one documented case of this costume being worn, but no pictures were taken (this was before Facebook). This year, the person in question is Halloweening as a Flamingo, with me and a fellow ISSSer. That’s right, a friend of mine, Matt Parrotti of THE Funky Faction, had the balls (ba-dum-kissshhhh) to go out as Naked Island Boy. As the name implies, the wearer of this costume is completely naked except for 2 (or 3 in some cases) objects.
- A large, blow up penis.
- A very very very large afro (or two, if you want to cover your bottom). These will be strapped to your front and pretty much used to cover your jewels. (if you are a women, you are not allowed a top of any kind. NAKED, remember?
Needless to say (okay I really need to stop using that phrase), the costume is now one of legend.
Any Random Object
Now, by any random object, I don’t mean a toothbrush or a ketchup bottle. Those things are costumes that you can buy at the store, and they’re gay. By random object, I mean something along the lines of, say, a GAME BOY, which was my costume back in the day, when I could actually fit into a cardboard box that was painted to look like a game boy. I got so much pussy, it was like I was on fuckin steroids.
These types of costumes (and all costumes in my opinion) should be self created. Even last year, when I was The Joker, I sort of self made it by buying many separate parts. I didn’t just buy a costume already made. I bought the vest, the shoes, the trench coat….everything was separate. And then I recently sold it on ebay for 200 dollars. BOOM!
Happy Halloween mutha fuckas! Go Nuggets tonight! J.R. Smith, Birdman BOOM!
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